(no subject)

[bluediligence]

Who: Anyone
When: Day 49, Late afternoon
Where: Anywhere

[ If the morning's trial hadn't been miserable enough … ]

[ Now it's raining! And it's still so foggy you can barely see your own feet. ]

Comments

[crimeson]

[heeee just. shrugs!]

M'working on it.

[awakenerd]

Do you mind my company?

[crimeson]

I never mind your company, Rean.

[reaching across to pat his head.]

[awakenerd]

[Reaching to catch his hand before he pulls it away.]

Then... I'm going to stay with you for a while.

[crimeson]

[oh

...squeezes rean's hand.]

Okay.

[awakenerd]

[Tangles their fingers to hold onto Randy. But he lifts the glass, taking a sip.]

This is good. I can tell it's strong.

[crimeson]

[handholdingggggg

his feelings are a lot less Dire now that he doesn't have the hallucinations helping his badfeels along, but he's still obviously fucked up about. most things, right now.]

I'm not exactly a lightweight, so I figured I'd at least shell out for the good stuff.

[awakenerd]

Do you want to talk while we drink?

[Not that Rean can get drunk but he can appreciate the alcohol.]

[crimeson]

I wanna talk but not Talk, you feel me?

[awakenerd]

...If you're sure.

[crimeson]

It's... okay, no, realistically I'm not sure you actually know how to avoid that kind of talk when you're worried. But... even talking it over won't be satisfying, y'know?

[awakenerd]

I could try.

[Protests Rean, knowing Randy is right.]

But... I have to ask... why won't it be satisfying?

[crimeson]

Because we won't agree. I can pretend to agree, but I can't trick you when you're in my head. And you can say all the nice things you want, and I can believe you mean them, but that doesn't mean they're true. And even if they are... I can't take that. 'Specially not with what I've done.

[awakenerd]

...Tell me. Everything.

[crimeson]

[... looking down into his glass]

Where should I start?

[awakenerd]

What's got you hating yourself so bad?

[crimeson]

That part's not exactly unusual... But taking out every Jasmine who made it to that trial sure didn't help my case.

[awakenerd]

It was kind of designed for disaster.

[crimeson]

So I was weak instead of malicious. We already knew that much.

[awakenerd]

Is there something wrong with that?

[crimeson]

No shit, Rean.

[awakenerd]

I'm serious. Is there something wrong with being weak sometimes? Because everyone is. I am. Rufus is.

There's no such thing as a person who hasn't failed. And we were literally set up to fail.

Failure doesn't make you a bad person. Not being strong enough doesn't make you weak. And even then, having weakness isn't bad.

So what do you think?

[crimeson]

There's nothing wrong with being weak. But being strong is... all I can really give to the people around me. So obviously it sucks when I fuck that up.

[awakenerd]

Do you really think that's all you're worth?

[crimeson]

The people I'm with probably won't agree. I know that. But I-- there's a lot I'm making up for.