(no subject)

[bluediligence]

Who: Anyone
When: Day 49, Late afternoon
Where: Anywhere

[ If the morning's trial hadn't been miserable enough … ]

[ Now it's raining! And it's still so foggy you can barely see your own feet. ]

Comments

[awakenerd]

This part of you that feels guilty and hesitates? I don't dislike it. Because it says to me how kind you are.

But I also don't like seeing you miserable. You're an amazing guy Randy. Both capable and gentle. And failure hits you so hard because you want to be able to help and support those around you.

I also want to support you. I want to help you get part these feelings too. I don't want them to drag you down. But lightening the mood and cheering people up, turns out I'm just not as good at it as you are.

[crimeson]

[...can he reach up and tug Rean down into his lap, is the question]

[awakenerd]

[He can, with bonus surprised Rean noise.]

[crimeson]

[HUG! THAT!! DIVINE KNIGHT!!!]

I know you wanna help. I appreciate that, a lot. An' maybe only time will help calm me down, but it doesn't mean I don't want your company.

[awakenerd]

[Oh no, wrapping his arms around this good man, tucking his face in Randy's hair.]

Okay. But, you really are an incredible guy.

[crimeson]

[he tucks his face against Rean's shoulder and shakes his head, just a little. enough to feel.]

I know you think so, but... please, please don't tell me.

[he's about to cry]

[awakenerd]

I think I need to. You should definitely listen to me over whatever you're telling yourself right now.

[He starts to pet Randy's hair.]

[crimeson]

I'm not telling myself anythin' worse than usual. I'm not crazy.

[awakenerd]

I know you aren't. You just won't let yourself accept that you are good, either.

Maybe I can't make you accept it, but you better believe I'm going to tell you how much I care about you anyway.

[crimeson]

It's because I'm not good, Rean! I'm glad you think well of me! I'm glad to be liked! But I can't--

[awakenerd]

Can't what?

[crimeson]

I can't forgive myself! I can't. So don't push me to.

[awakenerd]

[Hm

Time to frame Randy's face with his hands and turn him so he's looking at Rean again.]

Then I'll forgive you for you. Don't take everything alone. I'm right here.

[crimeson]

[it's actually kind of hard to get him to make eye contact, this time.]

...You can't. The only person who could forgive me can't, because I killed him.

[awakenerd]

Was he the kind of guy to hold a grudge like this?

[crimeson]

We don't get to know, because I fucking killed him!

[awakenerd]

Randy! No matter what you've done or the burdens you shoulder for it, you still deserve to be happy.

[crimeson]

Stop.

[awakenerd]

I can't.

[crimeson]

Rean...

[awakenerd]

I can't look away from someone I love suffering.

[He leans his forehead to Randy's.]

So there's no point in asking me to.

[crimeson]

[...sighs, tiredly. and reaches to card fingers into Rean's hair.]

I don't deserve you.

[awakenerd]

[You deserve better.]

But you're stuck with me anyway.

[crimeson]

It's not like that.

[awakenerd]

...? Well you're still stuck with me.