auroraexpress | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Anyone
When: Day 49, Late afternoon
Where: Anywhere

[ If the morning's trial hadn't been miserable enough … ]

[ Now it's raining! And it's still so foggy you can barely see your own feet. ]

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[handholdingggggg

his feelings are a lot less Dire now that he doesn't have the hallucinations helping his badfeels along, but he's still obviously fucked up about. most things, right now.]

I'm not exactly a lightweight, so I figured I'd at least shell out for the good stuff.

Do you want to talk while we drink?

[Not that Rean can get drunk but he can appreciate the alcohol.]

I wanna talk but not Talk, you feel me?

...If you're sure.

It's... okay, no, realistically I'm not sure you actually know how to avoid that kind of talk when you're worried. But... even talking it over won't be satisfying, y'know?

I could try.

[Protests Rean, knowing Randy is right.]

But... I have to ask... why won't it be satisfying?

Edited 2019-12-08 14:03 (UTC)

Because we won't agree. I can pretend to agree, but I can't trick you when you're in my head. And you can say all the nice things you want, and I can believe you mean them, but that doesn't mean they're true. And even if they are... I can't take that. 'Specially not with what I've done.

...Tell me. Everything.

[... looking down into his glass]

Where should I start?

What's got you hating yourself so bad?

That part's not exactly unusual... But taking out every Jasmine who made it to that trial sure didn't help my case.

It was kind of designed for disaster.

So I was weak instead of malicious. We already knew that much.

Is there something wrong with that?

No shit, Rean.

I'm serious. Is there something wrong with being weak sometimes? Because everyone is. I am. Rufus is.

There's no such thing as a person who hasn't failed. And we were literally set up to fail.

Failure doesn't make you a bad person. Not being strong enough doesn't make you weak. And even then, having weakness isn't bad.

So what do you think?

There's nothing wrong with being weak. But being strong is... all I can really give to the people around me. So obviously it sucks when I fuck that up.

Do you really think that's all you're worth?

The people I'm with probably won't agree. I know that. But I-- there's a lot I'm making up for.

[He sets his drink down, gets up, and walks around to stand next to Randy, cupping his cheek.]

Hey. Look at me.

[there's hesitation, but he tips his head up and makes eye contact.]

This part of you that feels guilty and hesitates? I don't dislike it. Because it says to me how kind you are.

But I also don't like seeing you miserable. You're an amazing guy Randy. Both capable and gentle. And failure hits you so hard because you want to be able to help and support those around you.

I also want to support you. I want to help you get part these feelings too. I don't want them to drag you down. But lightening the mood and cheering people up, turns out I'm just not as good at it as you are.

[...can he reach up and tug Rean down into his lap, is the question]

[He can, with bonus surprised Rean noise.]

[HUG! THAT!! DIVINE KNIGHT!!!]

I know you wanna help. I appreciate that, a lot. An' maybe only time will help calm me down, but it doesn't mean I don't want your company.