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(no subject)

Who: You
When: Day 52, morning
Where: Anywhere

[Of course there's still the flowers that, when stepped on, enhance or dull a sense, and there are still some chocolates in the lounge if you missed them or want more.

But this morning dawns with an infestation of bats.

That is, tiny tiny clockwork bats that get in your hair and coffee and make tiny tiny clockwork bat screeches.

Should you encounter a clockwork bat, and they're pretty hard to dodge, the next person you talk to will... Well, see one of your memories.

Otherwise it seems like a pretty typical morning, and the bats will be gone by afternoon.]

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[There isn't a point really. It's just part of what he is. He's doesn't like it but he can't change it so he doesn't worry about it. Or rather, he has so much he has issues with but he knows he isn't human anymore, doesn't get to think along the same rules.

So it's endearing when people do treat him as human and with the right to agency. He can't help but feel charmed and endeared.]

I appreciate it all the same.

[ Crow looks over at him again. ]

...Wanna go somewhere quieter with me for a sec?

[ He is, for once, not horny so it's definitely not that. ]

Sure.

[Ugh why are his people so good and soft. He ruffles Crow's hair in return. But he'll follow wherever.]

[ In that case, he's kidnapping Rean to the Licorice cabin and his bedroom, at which point he is pulling Rean in for a hug. ]

Edited 2019-12-19 03:50 (UTC)

[He can't help but laugh softly, hugging him back.]

You have to go in private to hug someone, huh?

[He can't not tease Crow?]

[ Wow rude? ]

It's nobody else's business.

[ His tone is matter-of-fact about it even as he keeps hugging Rean. The idea of being that openly vulnerable in a public environment makes him uncomfortable. He's definitely not shy. ]

[He's accepting the hug anyway, leaning into it.]

Yeah, maybe not.

Definitely not.

[ He's quiet for a moment. ]

You know, I can't imagine it didn't hurt you to remember that. Having your hand forced into something that terrible, that painful... Even if it was a long time ago, even if it feels like ancient history... You don't have to shoulder that burden alone. You have people who care for you, Rean. You should lean on us a little more.

Crow....

I... Thank you.

[He doesn't know what else to say. He does know, that he's cared about, in the same way, he doesn't want to put any sadness on those around him, even if it's only to sympathize with him. Maybe especially for that. Yes he also knows leaning on others is important, in general. After all, it's part of what this whole train is supposed to be about.

But, when it comes down to it, for a situation like with Graham... Even if he was forced, he doesn't feel he deserves sympathy. Even if it hurts, all he can do for the lives he's taken is hurt for them. He doesn't know exactly what Crow saw, but a lot of things happened that "lifetime" or whatever you call it, and most of them were monstrous. Leaning on anyone else for this feels somewhat wrong.

But he doesn't want to reject Crow's feelings either.]

You're my friend, Rean. My partner. So just... think about it, okay? I'm not trying to absolve you of your guilt. It's up to you to decide what to do with those feelings. But you don't have to be alone with that hurt. Besides...

[ He pulls away a little, just enough to look at Rean's face will still nominally hugging him. ]

You wouldn't let anyone else suffer alone.

...

[He sighs softly and kind of smiles, a little.]

I wasn't even trying to argue you know.

[Not fair to see through him.]

Yeah, but I'd like to think I know you well enough at this point to have an idea of what you're like.

I just don't think it's something you should have to worry about.

I don't "have" to do anything I don't want to. I want to be there for you, for the bad parts as well as the good.

Crow...

Thank you. I think I'm pretty lucky.

You're definitely lucky.

[ He winks at Rean. ]

But that still doesn't sound like you're gonna stop keeping things bottled up.

It's not like I'm trying to exclude you or anything.

I know you're not.

[ Crow sighs. ]

Just.... forget about it. Offer's open if you want it.

[ It's not like Crow doesn't get it, anyway.

He ruffles Rean's hair again, pulling back from the hug. ]

Crow....

[He catches Crow's wrist.]

I don't want to forget about it. When you treat me like I'm just another person, it means the world to me.

I'm not trying to dismiss you, or your concern.

[ Crow looks at the hand wrapped around his wrist. ]

Of course you're a person.

[ He wouldn't say "just another" one, though. Rean is...

Anyway. ]

Being a Divine Knight doesn't change that, it just means there's a little extra added on. It's relevant, but it's not even close to being the most interesting thing about you. You're kind, overly sappy, and the kind of guy who tries his best to be there for everyone. Even at the cost of himself.

And that's the part that makes people worry.

[ That's the part that makes him worry. ]

It's worrying you that I want to avoid. There doesn't seem to be a good way not to.

...It's not like I want to keep secrets, but there's also things I don't want to talk about. That maybe I don't know how to talk about.

But if that worries you more, then I can try.

You know, if you're not comfortable with specifics that's fine too? It's not like I talk about everything either.

[ He is, perhaps shockingly, very self-aware about that. ]

What I don't like is the idea that you're suffering alone. I don't need to know the specifics, not if that'll hurt you worse. But remembering shit like that's traumatic. It's okay to just say you need some company without telling me more.

I feel like... if I didn't realize you were suffering, then I haven't been a good friend to you. And that's what bothers me. You've always been here for me but I haven't been there for you. Feels kinda uneven.

It's not like I've been silently suffering or anything...

[He sighs.]

You know I'm supposed to be the one providing support... As it is I think you're underselling yourself. You being you all the times is really heartening. It isn't like I sit around and brood when no one is looking. I'm not faking it when we have fun together. I don't feel alone. I feel blessed to have you in my life, bringing everything you bring to it, every day.

You already give me so much Crow. If anything is uneven, I feel like I haven't done enough. You make me happy. And because you do, I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to shut you out.

Then just tell me you'll lean on me when you need me. I don't need to know the details, you don't even need to tell me you're doing it. Just promise me and I'll believe you.

[ Because, Crow has slowly come to realize as he's spent more and more time with Rean, he trusts him implicitly. ]

I think I can do that. Or try at least.

[Noticing he's being hit on and relying on others, Rean's two biggest weaknesses.]