auroraexpress | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Who: anyone
When: day 57, afternoon
Where: anywhere it's a mingle

[This is a mingle but there is a comment in a Chain Chat to the whole train!]

Rean: A while ago some of us were discussing a festival where every team puts on a production, game, booth, whatever, maybe based around team bonds or interests.

What do people think? Maybe it's a good time to to talk about it again?

[Feel free to discuss with each other! Or just mingle as usual.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I am not better than anyone. Get off me, please.

Then acknowledge I can care about you.

You can do as you please.

[that's not the issue nor has it ever been the issue.]

Then say it.

[He knows, but he intends to make some kind of headway.]

[nah how about she tries to shove him off her, he's strong, so is she and his weight really isnt a problem.]

[She is, but he's also got the high ground, grabbing at her wrists to pin them down, moving a leg across her thighs to keep her from getting decent leverage.]

If what I do doesn't matter, why can't you say I care about you?

What's so hard about the words?

Get. Off. Me.

[She does not try to move any longer, instead, her body temperature and the ambient are begins to drop. She--everything--gets colder.]

[You are greatly overestimating his sanity levels. He's doesn't even bat an eye at the cold. Even if it begins to freeze.]

Either say the words you say don't matter.

Or admit they matter.

Because they matter to me. Because those are my feelings. Those are ME. No one else, none of....the others.

[she's not going to freeze him even if she's sorely tempted]

They can matter to you.

[even if they should not.]

Then say them.

If they don't matter to you, you can do that much, can't you?

People can say things that don't matter to them all the time. That's why the Counselor could gaslight me, because I didn't matter to him. I could lie to him because I didn't matter.

Only everyone else he hurt that I cared about. They were all that counted....

It's fine that you care about me.

[easily.]

Fine to have the act of caring. You're saying it so easily now, it sounds like a loophole.

Dusk cares about you. Is that so easy?

He can do whatever pleases.

So it was a lopphole.

That is not how loopholes work. If I am saying it is fine, then it is fine.

Of course that's how loopholes work. That's all it was over and over, him trying to find the little things I said that said I still cared about them, that I was angry at the Project.

Had to watch every little word, make sure I sounded angry at them and thought the Project was right.

Sometimes I thought it was true, that I was mad at them because I had to fool him and I started to think...to think....

It's fine if you care about me. You aren't a prisoner of the project anymore, so you can do as you please, is what I mean.

No....no, I really can't....

It's always going to be there, following...

Always killing the people I care about....

[He's losing focus again.]

I don't know if I'm dead.

[she could tell him that, but she's not going to

it might put him over some sort of edge.]

You are here now, that is what matters. And it will only follow you inasmuch as you let it.

We were hunted down.

Hunted down for what Freelancer did, locked away...

Carolina didn't die, but we might have died then because Freelancer won't leave us alone...

[she thought he might have been more stable, and perhaps he was momentarily, but he's slipping once more.]

It does not exist any longer.

[because nothing exists any longer]

[It is definitely slipping.]

It's where I feel oldest....

Struggling against the armor, locked away, locked more than the cell, locked in what's supposed to be safe, left to starve and dehydrate with all their corpses around us....

Carolina didn't die, but she will and I couldn't help her again....and the Reds and Blues...

Maybe it's me...[A shift again.] I failed them. [Back to normal.] Why do I keep surviving when everyone else doesn't?