auroraexpress | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: anyone
When: day 57, afternoon
Where: anywhere it's a mingle

[This is a mingle but there is a comment in a Chain Chat to the whole train!]

Rean: A while ago some of us were discussing a festival where every team puts on a production, game, booth, whatever, maybe based around team bonds or interests.

What do people think? Maybe it's a good time to to talk about it again?

[Feel free to discuss with each other! Or just mingle as usual.]

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I'd love to.

Sounds good to me, then.

[ Crow's going to head out the lounge, though he has no clear direction he wants to go other than away. If Rean ends up steering them, it'd be pretty easy for him to follow otherwise Crow will probably end up wandering aimlessly outside the train. ]

[He lets Crow lead, just keeping in step quietly. A calm, solid presence at Crow's side. And he is calm, for whatever that's worth.]

[ The calm helps more than anything else, a steady anchor in the swirling tempest of his own mind. Rean can feel Crow mentally leaning on it, not able to calm down so easily himself but taking comfort in it. ]

...Thanks. For being here for me.

That's one thing you don't need to thank me for. But you're welcome.

Do you want to talk? Or just think?

I may not need to but I definitely want to.

[ So just accept the gratitude, Rean! ]

I'm... not sure where to start.

[ Which doesn't mean he doesn't want to talk so much as, well, exactly what it says on the tin. ]

[He won't argue with it.]

Maybe with how you feel?

[ How does he feel? He knows it's a lot all at once but putting words to it is something else entirely. He takes his time to consider before answering. ]

...Confused... and definitely not happy about it.

[ That's the tip of the iceberg but it's a start. ]

That memory... I didn't feel like "Crow" at all. Everything that makes me... me... it felt like it was gone. Or maybe buried so deep down I couldn't touch it.

.... That's not... Great. Even with amnesia you're pretty "you".

Yeah, that's the thing. I've got a lot of questions about my past but I've never doubted who I am. But that... I didn't recognize anyone, I didn't even care. Nothing even mattered to me past what I was there for.

[ It was really freaky. Unsettling. ]

There are... Ways to suppress a personality. But the stronger the personality the more unreliable the method.

And I'd imagine anyone trying to use those methods would know it, too. So to use it anyway... There had to be a reason.

Yeah. Well. You being a a pilot might have factored. I can say with confidence Awakener and Knight bonds don't exactly grow on trees.

Or maybe they wanted you for something else. But using you as an observer seems odd.

Right... if someone wanted to use me, it'd have to be either for my status as an Awakener or to fight something. I can't imagine anything else, not if they're going to strip away everything else about me.

Edited 2020-02-04 16:32 (UTC)

I'm sure you'll remember more but... I'm not sure how much you'll like it.

[ Crow shakes his head slightly. ]

Doesn't matter if I like it or not. Obviously I want to know what happened, but... it's already done and I haven't lost sight of that. I can't change the past, only what I do with that information moving forward.

Yeah. What do you want to do with it?

I haven't figured that part out yet. But I figure I've still got time to work it out.

Yeah, you've definitely got time.

Yeah.

[ Crow takes in a deep breath, lets it out slowly. ]

You know... talking about it was more helpful than I thought it'd be.

I'm glad. If you need to talk more...?

[ Crow's still a little wigged out internally but like, that's not going away any time soon and he really has managed to calm down a bit. ]

Nah, I think I'm good right now.

[ He considers that for a moment, then leans in and gives him a brief but perhaps surprisingly chaste kiss. ]