welcome to the jungle we've got fun and games

[saddleclub]

Who: Y'all
When: Day 8 noonish
Where: THE JUNGLE

[So there is a mostly unexplored jungle out there.

It seems like a good day to explore it, eh?

Please look out for:

Venomous snakes, the smaller ones will leave you fevered and nauseas, the larger may stop your heart.

Spores, inhaling them can leave you with mild to severe continuing hallucinations

Pollen, it may make you sneeze.

Dark shadows in the undergrowth, that seem to whisper as you pass. In familiar voices...? Or that's just the wind.

Vicious monsters. They want to eat you.

And look out, if you go exploring, because halfway through your adventure the sky seems to open up and pour on you, try to find a safe shelter--if that exists in the jungle.

For those of you not inclined to explore well, you may see lights in the jungle, little wisps, of light in the growth, or maybe it's your team colors you see? The more you look the more you feel practically compelled to follow those lights and flashes of something familiar....

Maybe you get caught by the jungle's dangers, trapped in a cave by the downpour, or maybe you make it to an odd break around a still pond, the surface so smooth it's almost like a mirror. If you look in, your reflection looks back. And it smiles at you.

And if you make it this far, if you look deep into your reflection and let it stare back, you might find yourself leaning down, towards it--hopefully you have a companion to pull you back before pale arms reach to pull you in and drown you.

Even if you're pulled back from the glass pool, a strange dread lingers with you for a while. And the urge to be near others is incredibly strong. Be it their presence or their touch you crave, you need reassurance.

((OOC: Explore, use this an excuse for wet huddling together in a cave while hallucinating, get cool new scars from fighting beasts, encounter the glassy pool, or whatever! Grab a buddy, have a good(?) time.))]

Comments

[saddleclub]

Certainly you are not the man I grew up believing you to be. And I don't like the things you've done, or understand why you saw the need to do them in such extremes.

Perhaps even if you explained your reasoning, I wouldn't agree.

I'm no small amount annoyed and upset that you saw fit to abandon me with hardly a word to pursue your goals.

No, I'm not going to say you aren't a liar and double faced at that.

But you are, regardless of our birth, still my brother, and I refuse to believe that being kind to me when I was lost and alone in that house was just another scheme.

[He says that with confidence, conviction even. Though he's honestly still upset and reeling from the revelations, he at least cannot be swayed on this point. It's why Rufus's secrecy and abandonment have hurt so much the last six months or so.]

[ruinatings]

It wasn't. You were the only good piece of that life. But I thought...

[Normally he has a hard time talking about this part but right now he's way too intoxicated not to have a lot of feelings, or to keep them entirely inside. So just this one time Jusis can see him visibly upset, putting a hand to his temples as if it'll have any effect on the stres of this conversation.]

...I wanted to find the reason I was born. So I left you. I wanted to struggle all on my own. To prove myself worthy as that man's surrogate son. I could never perform well enough to give my existence worth, following Father. But I thought, if I did enough, I could prove it under the Chancellor. And I truly believed that his desires were righteous. I still do.

If it helps, you did show me how foolish I was. I threw myself so hard into it that I lost my mind to the malice swallowing Erebonia. But you, and Class VII, and... and Rean... stopped me. So I already know I was wrong. But I can't stop feeling like if I could just perfect myself a little more, try a little harder, maybe there'd be some value in what I've done. I am... a truly twisted creature. And I'm sorry, Jusis.

[saddleclub]

[This is really upsetting. Seeing Rufus, his big, strong, frighteningly competent older brother, like this is genuinely shocking.

But isn't it also good? Maybe? It means this may be the first time in his life Rufus has been really open with him, has treated him a little like an equal, which he's realizing, has realized a while ago, Rufus has never done before. He probably realized that when Rufus revealed who he really worked for, if not before that. But now, Rufus is talking to him, finally.]

If you are a twisted creature then so be it. I would rather know that and speak to you like this than watch you wrap yourself up in the falsehoods of some achievable perfection again.

You muttered about improving yourself. I won't accept an apology until you're satisfied with yourself.

[ruinatings]

Improving isn't for my satisfaction.

[And he doesn't think he could ever be satisfied with himself. There is never a "good enough" for Rufus.]

I just want to be worthy of your concern. But I don't know how long I have to try. So-- please accept it while you can. For your own sake.

[saddleclub]

You--How many times must I say it? You are my brother! Blood or not, I shall always love you, you shall always have my concern, and it has nothing to do with being worthy!

And what do you mean you don't know how long you have?

[ruinatings]

[It has everything to do with being worthy!! Just like Rufus' entire life.

He sighs, rubbing his face as his eyes start burning again, not because of what he's about to say but because being loved is so powerfully bittersweet.]

One of us could leave here at any time. Even if somehow we all go home, I may not get to talk to you again. Because... In order to save the world, the Chancellor had to bring it to the brink of destruction. As he's now deceased, I'm taking responsibility in his stead as his right hand. That way the empire should be able to stabilize, and those we dragged down with us can be spared. But in return, I entirely expect the death penalty.

[saddleclub]

You--

[That is a lot and it's distressing as hell. But it's also distressing to see his brother tearing up so he hugs him, too frustrated and full of emotion and fear to quite know what to say just yet.

He doesn't want Rufus to die, if nothing else. And the thought of him leaving when the people who vanish from here have fates unknown is equally terrifying.]

You aren't allowed to disappear.

[Here or at home.]

[ruinatings]

It's not my decision to make.

[He sounds defeated, because he feels it. He's been trying hard to get himself in order but it's only been a few days since Randy convinced him to, so he hasn't exactly been able to change much.

Cautiously, he returns Jusis' hug. Normally he'd keep it together but the booze is in the way so he's crying openly despite himself.]

[saddleclub]

[He's never seen his brother cry but given what Rufus is telling him, that's kind of bad. Awful, really. How long his brother has been holding things in alone. No wonder he's twisted.

He rubs Rufus's back gently, not sure what to say now, but determined to be a strong support while his brother obviously needs it.]

Nevertheless...

[He doesn't want to think of Rufus vanishing or dying, it makes him want to hold his brother tighter.]

[ruinatings]

I was aware of my decisions, Jusis. I turned myself in. And I honestly had no intention of speaking to you again. I thought... that you wouldn't want me to.

[And THAT is why he's so emotional right now. That and just that physical affection is so so rare for him, and it feels really nice, and he's... he's a drunk mess.]

[saddleclub]

[Physical affection isn't an Albarea thing. Jusis is a little better at it because he has actual friends, but if Rufus weren't such a complete disaster already he'd probably be more self-conscious himself. As it is, Rufus being like this makes hugging him tighter easier. Annoyed and scared and attempting to comfort.]

You idiot! There's no world in which I wouldn't wish to talk with you, even if you did go play the villain.

[ruinatings]

...That's what I've been told.

[saddleclub]

Then believe it.

[ruinatings]

[...puts his face on Jusis' shoulder and makes a noise

sorry he's too drunk this is all he's got]

[saddleclub]

[Awkwardly, he'll pay his brother's head. He's got a lot of emotions going on but at least Rufus talked to him a little]

[ruinatings]

[This is awkward but also very much needed, so he's not going to move for a bit.]

...I was truly proud, you know. To be a part of Class VII's foundation, and to watch you grow up into a good man. You've exceeded my most generous expectations.

[saddleclub]

Don't--

[You're going to make HIM cry. Then what?? He sounds too choked up but at least he's not leaking out the eyes. He has more dignity than that!]

I only ever aspired to live up to the pride you and mother taught me.

[ruinatings]

You've done that and more. Our house has a bright future under your leadership.

[saddleclub]

[Help. It's very bitter to think about how Rufus isn't going to be the next Duke after all.]

I don't want to hear that from you. I refuse to accept that you're abandoning your duties out of some other obligation. If you must take responsibility then that's fine, but believing your role is done is unacceptable.

[It's a lie and it isn't. He wants his brother to praise him, But not like this.]

[ruinatings]

Even if I were released I couldn't take that seat, Jusis.

[The publicity would be... bad. Internationally!]

Nor do I want to.

[saddleclub]

I'm aware from what you've said. And how you've acted. Even still I can refuse to accept your resignation to some nebulous punishment.

[ruinatings]

Jusis...

[He's sitting back now, to look Jusis sternly in the eye.]

The Chancellor and I orchestrated a world war, and a near-assassination of the emperor. It is entirely likely that, aside from the charms of our imperial heirs, only the ability to label it a coup stands between the empire and dissolution. For such a grave crime, the international community must be given a sense of justice.

With that in mind, do you think standing behind my right to rule is what's best for our people?

[saddleclub]

I'm not talking about the dukedom! You've made it clear that that title is not yours nor shall ever be.

But resigning yourself to never speak to me? To some punishment that would leave you dead or bound away from anything you might do to atone for those actions is cowardice and I will not stand for it.

[ruinatings]

It is not cowardice!

[At least, Rufus doesn't think so. Or didn't intend it to be, anyway. But Rufus has also been depressed and insecure for like, his whole life, so.]

This is the way I choose to hold my head up both as that man's follower and as a noble. I understand it was foolish to avoid you, but do not belittle that decision.

[saddleclub]

Is sacrificing yourself alone really the conclusion you've come to, after all you've told me?