auroraexpress | mingle!

Entry tags:

mingle!

Who: anyone!
When: Day 6, morning
Where: the lounge carriage (or, like, wherever, I'm not your boss)

[What's shakin', heroes? That sure was a trial last night, huh? What's on the agenda this morning-- still exploring, for new folks? Having team talks in light of having two trials'-worth of info on how this stuff is gonna go? Cooking something up in the public kitchen? Taking memories or testing out new powers? Playing with new purchases from the sparks shop? Just hanging out in the lounge? You do you; everyone's gotta find their own path on their magical interdimensional spacetrain journey.]

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[goddess, he can't afford to get distracted by every little snipe she goes for]

So you're just planning to wait until something changes.

Knowing when not to act is equally if not more important at times as taking action. It is slow going, but my temperature has begun to decrease.

Yeah, knowing when not to act is important, but I don't wanna hear that from the woman who passed out in the middle of the kitchen.

[Her temperature may be falling but it is incremental and she is still irritated, clenching her teeth behind closed lips before the build up of heat leaves her panting a little.]

Because I decided to do that.

[She didn't, but this conversation is making her want to self-destr.]

I know you didn't, but it's part of exactly what you were saying! Knowing when to rest is important. If you're too sick to safely cook, I'll gladly cook for you. Even if you want nothing to do with me, there are people here who will help you when you need it.

That is one matter. Asking for aid entirely another.

[She cannot rely on anyone. She will for trials, she knows that much by now, at least, even if that is also no guarantee. It is as before, you never know who will or will not be there, but if there are others, she will cooperate to the best of her ability.

Outside of that...why? When nothing is certain. People are fleeting.]

If I cannot do it myself, it will simply not be done. Thank you, but...no, thank you, sir.

... What scares you so much about being supported?

I am not scared.

[It's quiet, subdued, but unmistakably a snap. The heat is getting her, affecting her composure. She is self-aware enough to realise it.]

My apologies. But you assume incorrectly.

[like, he's not, but listen.]

Relying on others is a risk. I am careful with the risks I take, and that is not one that appeals to me most of the time. Why rely on others when you can do something yourself?

Because you can't always do something alone! You said it yourself, if you can't do something, then it's not getting done.

Can't you see that's not an option here, 80H? It's literally our job to be bonding!

I do not care about bonds! No good has ever come from such things.

[hot, hot, hot, it's too hot, she's driving her temperature back up in her anger and yet she can't stop]

Such insidious, parasitic things that only leave you weaker than when you started, more so if you no longer have them. Why bother? The only person you can trust is yourself.

Who the hell hurt you?! That's not how life is! Bonds make you stronger! Bonds are the only reason I've managed anything in my life!

No one hurt me. I am simply self-reliant.

[Her voice is hard, too many past housemates with their backs turned flit through her mind..]

If you believe they make you stronger, then you are entitled to that.

[sounds fake tho]

You helped me, but I will not stand for unbalanced scales. I will do something for you, provided it is within reason.

80H...

[he really didn't want to do this, but... he's not seeing another way.]

You were begging someone not to leave. When you were just about to wake up.

[She is quiet for many moments, the silent heavy and not at all comfortable or amiable.]

I did not.

You did.

[his voice is soft now, throaty but almost inaudible.]

I'm sorry. But I can't leave you alone in good conscience, not after hearing that.

[She is furious.

Furious at herself for admitting to some sort of weakness. Furious at him for leveraging that against her.]

You said you were going to.

Fuck. I did.

[he shoves his hair out of his face, frustrated.]

And it's not like I've never broken a promise before, but that'd be a really shitty way to... any of this.

Look. 80H. I... I just want you to be okay? I want to help you be okay. And you've shown no signs of wanting that same thing.

You did.

[She repeats it to drive the point, not at all in a charitable mood. She also files that little bit of knowledge in case she needs it, but if he is being so forthcoming with it, it might not matter to him in a way that can be exploited.

Still, he is trying so that may be something. It is too hot to think on it deeply, she simply makes a note of it. Sets it aside.]

I will be fine.

[And she sounds, perhaps, a bit bitter about that fact.]

That's not... at all a comforting answer. Not when it's responding to me basically asking you if you even want to be fine.

I said I will be fine, what more do you need? Sir.

[She does not snap, but her it's a near thing, her voice grows harder.]

I am resting, as per your desire. You have an update of my status, as per your desire.

...

[randy bites his lip]

Yeah. I'm doing this all wrong.

It is not as though I am going to die. So leave it be.

Yeah, that's not comforting either...

[but he's backing off, heading for the door.]

[She is so--so angry. it's poisonous, and the usual methods of bottling things up is barely working. every time she tries, it pops right back out, harder than before, and that only frustrates her further.

But she has the heat to thank for that, in part. It didn't start this fire, but it's accelerated it. It leaves her wanting to hurt, wanting to lash out, for once. And it's funny, because, in this moment, she understands.

What Katsuki must feel like.

It strikes her in the heart, what is left of it. Its existence was always very dubious, but now it...hurts and feels hollow at the same time. She knows this pain well, and yet, it is completely different. Like being stabbed with a straight blade versus a serrated one doused in poison. There are quite a few new dimensions of agony she has not considered, but is forced to contend with now.

She misses her goggles, having her eyes bare and for all to see, even with her glasses, feels like a vulnerability now even if she's lived this way for most of her life. It pains her to do it, with her stiff, weak, and aching body, but she turns on her side to face the wall. It makes the world seem so much smaller and she hates herself for it, but she does not trust herself not to betray anything like this.

She wants to hurt, yes, but the tension in her frame ebbs way. She...she is so...so tired. She, of all people, cannot stomach this lie any longer, that she is not alone when the reality could not be further from it.

She is. That is all there is to it.]

Leave me...please.

[She does not have anything left.]

[after only one more moment of hesitation, he leaves.

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mingle!

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RANDY IS A GOOD MAN WHO DESERVES THE WORLD

he's doing his best

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