(no subject)

[voreaciously]

Who: 80H and anyone
When: Day 50, afternoon
Where: Lounge; Garden Car

[80H is still mostly dead, but feeling has returned to her a little. Not enough, however.

She can be found in the garden car tending to what's there mechanically (pardon the pun), but she wanders the train and asks anyone she comes across:]

I ask you, what is the point of this mission?

[Her voice is normally very polite. It isn't now. It isn't rude either, it simply is not...anything at all. Just words in the air.]

Comments

[bowtiedbones]

[in the kitchen, deboning SOMETHING and tossing the scraps to her hellhound lying under the counter]

Ummm, you should know the answer to that.

[voreaciously]

I know what we have been told and yet it does not satisfy me. It seems rather pointless.

[bowtiedbones]

"Or die" isn't enough motivation for you?

[voreaciously]

[she sounds very empty]

No.

[bowtiedbones]

And what about the lives of everyone else you've ever known?

[voreaciously]

Many of them are already dead.

[bowtiedbones]

But the ones that are still alive? The people alive that they care about?

i'm sorry eliza

[voreaciously]

[ponders this for a moment]

Everything ends eventually.

[bowtiedbones]

That doesn't mean anything. That's like "this banana will go bad eventually so I should eat it never."

[voreaciously]

[She pauses for a moment before continuing.]

It means something. Most of us could die at any moment, perhaps this is what is meant for us. All of us.

[bowtiedbones]

This is not what's meant for me.

[voreaciously]

...How do you know?

[bowtiedbones]

I don't need to know. I refuse to let it be otherwise.

[voreaciously]

[The pause is longer this time and her face is eerily placid.

Then again, it often is, but there is something different about this. Her shoulders hang lower, like standing up is almost too much effort to do.]

What if you are wrong? What if you fail?

[bowtiedbones]

Those aren't options.

[voreaciously]

How is it not an option? It is the entire universe at stake. Not only is failure possible, it is, for all intents and purposes, quite likely. Why would you continue in light of that?

[bowtiedbones]

Because I don't care about the probability. Even if the Malice gets me, we're all here because we got pulled out of it once. I'll get out again and I'm going to live because I have things to do.

[voreaciously]

[it seems...a little ridiculous, but she would have thought far worse of it earlier.]

What could be so important to you?

[bowtiedbones]

[crosses her arms]

My studies, my work, my degree, Isildur, Isolde, Lori, Tiberius, Jonathan, Lavendar, my mom, my dad, my cousin, my baby nephews, Seo, removing Seo's curse, Morgen, Kasey, Hana, getting Fang back, getting Naeva back, getting Smile and Saber back, keeping what we promised to Hazel and Thyme, encouraging Cardamom, I can go on.

[voreaciously]

[She does appear to be listening, for better or worse.]

Could you?

[she tilts her head]

Could you actually? That seems...a substantial amount. Perhaps.

[She is not certain. All of that doesn't matter.

...Does it?]

[bowtiedbones]

I could. I haven't even started on the list of people on this train, the list of my extended family, the list of my publishing and research partners, the list of my necromancer fellows, the list of my coworkers at the gym, the list of everyone else I met before I came here, and give me long enough and I can go into some of the people they all know! And I still need to finish my thesis!!

[voreaciously]

...Nevermind. That is not important.

[She does not know why she stopped to consider it.]

I suppose we will see if that determination is worth anything at all--assuming the prince does not fail everyone, first. I have my doubts.

[bowtiedbones]

Keep up this attitude, and it won't be Cardamom that fails us first.

[voreaciously]

I am no one of import.

[bowtiedbones]

You're here and whether you think it matters or not, we're all bound to you.