(no subject)

[voreaciously]

Who: 80H and anyone
When: Day 50, afternoon
Where: Lounge; Garden Car

[80H is still mostly dead, but feeling has returned to her a little. Not enough, however.

She can be found in the garden car tending to what's there mechanically (pardon the pun), but she wanders the train and asks anyone she comes across:]

I ask you, what is the point of this mission?

[Her voice is normally very polite. It isn't now. It isn't rude either, it simply is not...anything at all. Just words in the air.]

Comments

i'm sorry eliza

[voreaciously]

[ponders this for a moment]

Everything ends eventually.

[bowtiedbones]

That doesn't mean anything. That's like "this banana will go bad eventually so I should eat it never."

[voreaciously]

[She pauses for a moment before continuing.]

It means something. Most of us could die at any moment, perhaps this is what is meant for us. All of us.

[bowtiedbones]

This is not what's meant for me.

[voreaciously]

...How do you know?

[bowtiedbones]

I don't need to know. I refuse to let it be otherwise.

[voreaciously]

[The pause is longer this time and her face is eerily placid.

Then again, it often is, but there is something different about this. Her shoulders hang lower, like standing up is almost too much effort to do.]

What if you are wrong? What if you fail?

[bowtiedbones]

Those aren't options.

[voreaciously]

How is it not an option? It is the entire universe at stake. Not only is failure possible, it is, for all intents and purposes, quite likely. Why would you continue in light of that?

[bowtiedbones]

Because I don't care about the probability. Even if the Malice gets me, we're all here because we got pulled out of it once. I'll get out again and I'm going to live because I have things to do.

[voreaciously]

[it seems...a little ridiculous, but she would have thought far worse of it earlier.]

What could be so important to you?

[bowtiedbones]

[crosses her arms]

My studies, my work, my degree, Isildur, Isolde, Lori, Tiberius, Jonathan, Lavendar, my mom, my dad, my cousin, my baby nephews, Seo, removing Seo's curse, Morgen, Kasey, Hana, getting Fang back, getting Naeva back, getting Smile and Saber back, keeping what we promised to Hazel and Thyme, encouraging Cardamom, I can go on.

[voreaciously]

[She does appear to be listening, for better or worse.]

Could you?

[she tilts her head]

Could you actually? That seems...a substantial amount. Perhaps.

[She is not certain. All of that doesn't matter.

...Does it?]

[bowtiedbones]

I could. I haven't even started on the list of people on this train, the list of my extended family, the list of my publishing and research partners, the list of my necromancer fellows, the list of my coworkers at the gym, the list of everyone else I met before I came here, and give me long enough and I can go into some of the people they all know! And I still need to finish my thesis!!

[voreaciously]

...Nevermind. That is not important.

[She does not know why she stopped to consider it.]

I suppose we will see if that determination is worth anything at all--assuming the prince does not fail everyone, first. I have my doubts.

[bowtiedbones]

Keep up this attitude, and it won't be Cardamom that fails us first.

[voreaciously]

I am no one of import.

[bowtiedbones]

You're here and whether you think it matters or not, we're all bound to you.

[voreaciously]

I am bound to no one here. Nor are any of you to me.

[bowtiedbones]

If you weren’t bound to anyone, you wouldn’t be here. You know how this system works.

[voreaciously]

I do and that is erroneous. We are each, individually, connected to the train, not inherently to one another.

[she knew what that was like. this ain't it, chief.]

[bowtiedbones]

If that was how it was, the bond-for-sparks thing wouldn’t work.

[voreaciously]

And yet it does, suffice it to say. The only bonds that exist are what people decide to be there. Nothing more, nothing less.

[bowtiedbones]

Even we assume your idea to be true, the result will still be negative and it will still impact others. You don’t live in a bubble.

[voreaciously]

Again, I am no one of import with no ties to anyone. [Everyone is so far from her mind, right now, like this.]

What I do does not matter. What I say, even less.