auroraexpress | The Sixteenth Trial

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The Sixteenth Trial

Who: trialgoers
When: Day 37, afternoon
Where: The Hermit's Tent

[With the usual jostle of the train, the Hermit’s tent appears in the clearing. His deep, cheerful voice rings out:]

That last Trial was a bit of a mess, wasn’t it? Well, rest assured our dear Vampire friend is very sorry about it.

Of course that doesn’t make you feel better, but how about a mood booster? “Come hither”, and let’s think positive!

[Upon entering the tent, you’ll find yourself on a round, black-tiled platform at the bottom of a clear glass elevator. Look outside and you'll spot the other two groups in their own elevators, facing you on the other walls of a triangular pit. You can't reach or hear them at the moment, but they look safe enough.

In your own elevator, you’ll find a podium with a speaker and a push-to-talk microphone. Taped next to them is a laminated paper containing the rules, titled:

Raise Eachother Up

Time for some cheer and positivity!]

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[That smugness!!!!]

[He shrugs, looking away.]

I don't know, just a thought. I can't over think and worry much if I'm tied down sort of thing. Plus level of trust....

[Still smugly content with himself but listening and more thoughtful about it.]

That's the appeal, isn't it? Being trusted or putting your trust in someone. And I can see where I guy like you would definitely get a lot out of having someone else take charge, being able to let go and just get into it without having to worry about keeping a measure of defense or control up.

But I thought you didn't have an interest in sex? I mean I guess there's ways to be fulfilled just by being tied up, too, but those are usually still physical, and a lot more involved.

....well, it is a question of how much is the affect that I might be under. But it could also be I'm demisexual, which seems possible. I definitely knew what I was doing. Not an expert, but I have at least enough experience to have not been flying blind.

[He totally slept with someone, THANKS CHARM.]

But getting more into it, it's less I'm interested in the sex as the things around it. I like affection. I like touch. I liked being close to someone. But I was pretty happy with just making out, I could take or leave the rest. And it wasn't like I wanted the sex because I wanted sex, I wanted it because it got me out of my head and it's still a distraction. It feels nice. But if the distraction came in the form of a really good video game, I'd be just as happy.

If anything, I might like the rope stuff more because it's not just about the sex part, it's about the mental and emotional stuff, of getting out an always needs to work headspace.

Edited 2019-07-31 11:59 (UTC)

[Raising... An eyebrow? But he's not going to ask details of who or what Dusk did he's a gentleman.

A gentleman having a perfectly frank discussion about sexuality and kink because I mean why not it's important for informed consent.]

That makes sense. So when you think about being tied up, what really comes to mind? Sex, touch? Is it more being teased or more being talked to? There's a lot of different ways to do things and they all appeal to people differently.

If getting out of your head and giving control to someone else is what you find attractive, what part of it makes you think of heightened vulnerability and trust and what makes you think of being so focused in the moment that everything else falls away? I think for most people it's some kind of mix of physicality and trust, but physicality can take so many forms--some people even find pain cathartic. It's not really my thing in a hardcore way but I do think a little can be nice, personally. I mean, to take. Inflicting it is harder but if I know the other person really likes it I think it's different.

[He's a little red but if he's going to ask so many invasive questions he has to be open too.]

[He's absolutely not going to admit who it was, especially after he gave so many compliments for Cael. He doesn't even know how frank he is about that sort of thing. It's not like there aren't already a number of candidates on the train.]

[He's seriously thinking about those questions though.]

Well....part of it, I think is because of how I react to touch. Which is a little less worrisome now, you saw the armor people were wearing in my memory. I suspect I may have just in that for a long time, and...well, not a lot of way to feel touch in things like that.

I'm aware of when people touch me, I don't think I could just ignore it. So when there's a lot of touch, it's hard to focus on anything else like that. Depending on how my head is, it can be overwhelming. [Like when he's touched while feeling guilty.] I'm not even sure if the touch needs to feel good, it just has to be there and without anything else to focus on, that's all I could think about.

So I mostly think about touch. And...the most stressful thing is being uncertain. Something like that, I have no choice, but to listen to orders. Someone else is in charge, someone who could make it clear if I'm doing things right or wrong and I don't have to just hope and pray and that just sounds....really nice.

I'm not worried about pain, but I don't know my reaction to it. I didn't want to risk any blood being drawn since...well, that's why I needed out of my head.

[He's listening, taking mental notes.]

That makes sense. Like I said pain's not my thing usually. When I think about it mainly I think about tying someone up and teasing the hell out of them until they're begging, something like that. Usually just with all kinds of touch.

But the not having to think and just letting the other person be in charge is what appeals to me about the other side of it too.

Do you like the idea of following orders, obeying someone else?

[He nods, a pretty steady red, but it is an important thing to talk about, especially with The Offer on the table. No reason to not have it be enjoyable if it happens.]

...I do. It's...simpler. You can just do the best at the task you're given instead of having to think about a million things at once to figure out what you do need to do.

It sounds really nice.

Yeah. That makes sense. Especially for a guy who always thinks about a million things, if I'm not wrong. There's a kind of simple satisfaction in having a task and doing that task and having nothing else to complicate it.

[Well, he ruffles Dusk's hair, lets his hand linger on his head gently, warm and fond.]

Thank you, for telling me.

Anything else I should know, you think?

...kind of. It's hard to get my head to stop. If I can just focus on a goal, even if it's just 'listen to what Rean says' then it can slow down.

Not that I mind taking care of people. It'd just be nicer if take care of was 'make sure everyone has food' instead of 'their very existence might destabilize if not friendshipped hard enough and they're prickly.' Or if take care was 'make their mind just white out a while.'

[He sighs and leans into the touch a bit. It really is nice.]

Hmm, nothing I can think of. I only remember the one experience.

How about you?

[He will just keep petting Dusk with slow gentle touch then.]

I get that. You said before you're processing so much you have--at least had a constant headache. You definitely need the chance to not think about more than one thing at a time. Letting someone else command you takes the burden off for a little while--if you even consider me that trustworthy I'm happy.

As for me--I know how this is going to sound but bear with me; I like what the person I'm with likes. I realize that sounds really wishy-washy, and maybe I'll remember more preferences, but as far as I can tell, I just like making people happy, making them feel good. So within reason, my kink is basically complimenting my partner's kinks, I think.

Which isn't to say I don't like things, it's more just, I'm pretty sure I like everything enough that the real pleasure is what makes the person I'm with feel the best.

For example, I get the appeal of being tied up, if someone wanted me to submit, and I trusted them and we were in that relationship, I'd want nothing more than to give them everything and obey. And on the other side, if someone wanted to submit to me, there would be nothing that gave me greater pleasure than making their mind go blank of everything but my commands and their pleasure.

I think I'm probably that way about anything intimate within reasonable bounds. It matters way more to me who I'm with than what we do--I mean, I like sex, I find the intimacy and touch nice, but the particulars of what I want mainly revolve around my partner.

I don't know if that's going away yet. Drinking then turning undead then surgery has kind of muddled what that status is. [He could just be having a regular old stress headache at this point. The petting is helping that though.]

I do consider you trust worthy. Or maybe that's the affect. [He makes a so-so gesture.] At least you believe I'm compromised and there's definitely mindfucking going on, so who knows. I know I trust you enough that it's definitely a future possibility. You're a really good guy and I trusted you before that.

[He hums, thinking over that response.] No, I think I get it. It's what I think about being in charge. I like the thought of taking care of them most. I can think of some things I might like to do specifically, but it's a nice thought, leaving my partner completely satisfied and content.

So I can get it. Why that'd appeal to you most. And of course trust is always most important of all. It's a really vulnerable position to be in even for vanilla stuff.

One day you'll get a break long enough to know if the headache will disappear.

[He won't stop petting until Dusk indicates he would like it to stop. It's soothing to him too, he likes touch, he's an openly affectionate person.]

I hope it's not the effect, but--I mean we'll see.

But yeah, you get it. No matter what it's the trust and affection that's the appeal. Even if there's things I might feel like in the moment, that's pretty much the part I want out of it. Closeness and feeling good together, the how isn't as big a deal to me.

We can hope. Especially when I have almost five thousand points now. I have a lot of memories to take. [MAYBE IF YOU STOPPED AGGRESSIVELY BONDING!!!!]

[It's nice. Especially after everything. He can let down his guard now, now that he isn't worried about eating anyone.]

The base trust is still there. Just how comfortable I am being intimate is different.

Yeah. That part sounds nice. Sex is a way to do that, so I'm fine with it. Though just kissing does a good job too.

Take it easy on those. Especially with, well, everything. Go at a pace you won't get overwhelmed at.

[Rean could pet a good dog for a week watch him. Besides, it's soothing to him.]

Get back to me on that. What you want and all, you know, later. I also happen to think kissing is great. But there's probably not much point in figuring out more than this until you're not being messed with. You might not be so keen to kiss me later--which is fine, also. I'm happy whatever we are. I think I said it before, but you're already an important and dear person to me. That's not going to change no matter what.

I don't know. At this point, I think it might help, because I keep figuring out things I'm stupidly good at randomly. I know AI's, I know to manipulate, I can apparently quickly stomp on the desire to eat people as long as I don't get worn out. It's painting a really weird picture.

[Nothing like double soothing.]

All right. How long does this thing usually last anyway? [Because there's an end....right?]

Me too. I did mean everything I said. And I would have said most of it the trial yesterday. [Not the kissing part.]

You're just an all around talented guy. A man of mystery. I mean, you are basically a secret agent, that's not too surprising.

As for the effect, I actually don't know. I assume it has to wear off eventually.

[A little red, but nodding.]

I don't disbelieve you about that or anything. I'm pretty sure you'd be the same amount of cautious in my shoes too though.

True. I guess you gotta be really good to be that. And maybe fifth out of fifty people. Or forty-nine? I think Carolina was both states.

....well, I guess we'll know when Crow stops seeing whatever made him shoot people.

[He considers, then finally nods.] Yeah, probably.

...States?

[Is that what y'all are?]

Or when Rufus stops being twelve inches tall.

[That last part just gets a nod. He figured Dusk would see it the same if the roles were reversed.]

Our codenames are based on the United States of America. It's a country. It has fifty states. There's just a North and South Carolina along with a North and South Dakota. Not sure why one got split and the other was just Carolina.

Maybe she was just that good.

That too. He kind of looks like a doll right now.

Fifty states? How big is that country!?

...He does but don't tell him that.

Stupidly big. Texas is bigger than a number of countries and that's just one state. One of the bigger ones, but still.

Of course not.

Holy cow.

[A country that big has got to be incredible.]

That's kind of mind boggling... I mean there have been countries which absorb states but, fifty?

There's a whole thing where they were just colonies and then got independence and I guess states still wanted to be separated? Something like that. I think that was almost a millennia ago?

...Huh. So they became independent but stayed a country?

They got Independence from a bunch of European countries.

After stealing land from the natives and acting like it was brand new. Because white colonizers were just all pretty major assholes. It's a whole thing about racial power struggles.

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