auroraexpress | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: everyone
When: Day 35 morning
Where: the lounge car

[This morning, or whenever you wake up, you will find that there are delicious smells wafting from the lounge car. Upon investigation, one will discover a beautiful spread of hot cocoa and tea and coffee and many marshmallow animals, ideal for putting in your drinks or simply eating wholesale. It isn't just cats either, but many animals of a similar quality of marshmallow, whatever kinds you'd like. But you may find the warm fuzzies they impart might be a bit more than internal.

In a conspicuous place is a note in handwriting many of you may find quite familiar at this point:

Thanks for your help.

- Hazel

His signature isn't alone, either. There are a couple of others, though somehow they're far less readable? Some are definitely just little drawings. Weird.]

[[ooc notes: 10% furry event!! many marshmallows have no effect, but those that do will instill temporary animal parts up to a kemonomimi level! enjoy your ears and tails, folks. and your newbies.]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If by privacy you mean your sulking, too bad.

I am not a child to be scolded, Rean Schwarzer. Perhaps your track record has spoiled you, but you should be aware that not everyone you meet will be your friend, nor are you entitled to their cooperation. I have every right to decide who I do and do not welcome into my life, and you aren't owed a satisfactory explanation for my rejection.

[Ugh why is Rufus so impossible. Fine. He knows when to back off, but not all the way.]

We still have to live together. If you don't want to talk I can't actually make you. But I'm not giving up on having fun together. There has to be something we both enjoy.

I'm sure there is, but it would cease to be enjoyable in your company.

Well you could just spend the whole time criticizing my company, maybe that'd make it fun again.

What I meant to say was "I refuse."

[Aidios you're the worst.]

...Rufus...

No. I won't let you hound me into disregarding my feelings and doing what you want. I did think rather highly of you before, but you're very quickly losing my respect with these attempts to force my compliance.

[Is that what he's been doing? He didn't think he was but clearly he's genuinely upset Rufus.

So how, how is he supposed to get them to talk it out while also respecting Rufus's need for space? He doesn't think waiting for Rufus to come to him will work but maybe he's not giving Rufus enough credit. And... well if Rufus never wants to talk it out, genuinely and truly, then Rean can't, and shouldn't try forcing anything.

There's no point in pushing. Even if "forcing compliance" isn't his aim the end result of being too stubborn is still disrespectful.

He takes a breath, looking down at his own hands thoughtfully.]

That wasn't my intention. I didn't mean to corner you. It's true, I'm impatient, and I do, really really want to get along with you. But not at the cost of your comfort. Not to force you into it. I'm sorry for being a jerk.

I don't care what your intentions are or if you apologize. It may work with other people, but belittling me for rejecting you is not "getting along" in my book. I'm not pretending to want distance. I'm not longing for you to uncover some maidenly true desire to be close to you, nor am I avoiding you out of shyness.

If you want to understand what's going on between us, the first thing you need to grasp is that I do not find it charming to be treated like an idiot.

I'm not trying to charm you. But I AM frustrated. Frankly, I thought if I teased you and provoked you a little you might feel comfortable enough to do it back. I like it better when you're just being yourself, even if it's being kind of catty. I never once have considered you even adjacent to an idiot, or anything of the sort.

This awkwardness... I hate it. But what I want isn't the only important thing here, you're absolutely right.

That I've made you uncomfortable is.... I don't know how to address it other than apologizing and promising to treat you with the respect I really do hold for you.

...Very well.

[He knows Rean's genuine, and he promised to be nice, so he tries to chill out. Rufus is self-aware enough to know he's defensive when it comes to Rean, but he can't help it and doesn't particularly want to. But there's no point in clinging to an unintended slight.]

If you understand that much, I'll try to explain why I'm avoiding you, at least.

I would appreciate that.

[He's pretty self aware right now, he doesn't want to upset Rufus more by being pushy or disrespectful, but he wants nothing more than to talk and understand.]

Then let's return home. There's more privacy there.

Sounds good to me.

[Time for a location change!]

[They move!! And once they're home Rufus settles in a chair, stiff and visibly tense.]

...Alright. How should I put this...?

[Sitting across from him, trying not to look threatening?? Or anyway, attempting to be very carefully non-pressuring but he really is pretty attentive to what Rufus wants to say.]

[It takes some working up to, but he'll spit it out.]

...To put it simply, this has little to do with you. It isn't a flaw in your character, nor an action you've taken. The reason I cannot abide your presence is that to me, you're a representation of all I could never have or be. Regardless of what I think of you or what you do, your very existence will remain a reminder of the things I want most to forget. Because of that, I can't help but want to drive you away from myself and that which I care for.

[Oh. Boy. That is rough because if it's not something he's done there's not much he can do. Not directly.

But he's not one to accept that he can't do anything. He just hasn't thought of what yet.

He looks at Rufus, thinking about it. On the bright side, Rufus is being open with him to this extent. That's a huge improvement. There's no reason to rush, right? If they just keep... trying, little by little, honesty with each other will surely get them somewhere.]

Thank you. For telling me. Short of just not being me is there anything I can do to make my presence... Less grating or uncomfortable?

And if there isn't, can I ask what I remind you of so much that you want to forget...?

You can stay out of the way.

[He sighs, running a hand through his hair.]

As for elaboration, I don't see why it's necessary.

I... It might not be, exactly? You don't have to or anything, but I do really want to understand.

If you'd rather leave it at this, it's okay. I realize talking like this makes you uncomfortable already.

It is, yes. But if it means you'll listen...

My family has a... complicated relationship. Because of that, I chose to follow your father instead. But over twelve years, even though he'd given you up and you didn't know him, I never compared to you.

I spent my entire adult life trying to be good enough, and never was. In the end you bested me both in battle and as a person, and claimed the loyalty of my precious little brother in the process.

Seeing your face just reminds me of that. I don't dislike you, but as I try to improve myself I find that seeing you only sets me back.

[This seems like a skewed perspective but he doesn't have the context to say where.

And what does he say? Sorry seems the wrong response.]

I wish I remembered any of this.

That would be convenient, yes.

And we can't have anything convenient.

[Sigh.]

I honestly don't know what to say. I can't change myself and I can't change your past with me. Asking to start afresh wouldn't just be naive, it'd be putting aside everything you've accomplished on your own.

And we can't work things out if I don't remember anything.

But I don't want to avoid each other either. I don't want to never talk, or not get the chance to know you now. But that's from my perspective. What about your wants?

Edited 2019-07-21 10:54 (UTC)