auroraexpress | (no subject)

Who: everyone
When: Day 35 morning
Where: the lounge car

[This morning, or whenever you wake up, you will find that there are delicious smells wafting from the lounge car. Upon investigation, one will discover a beautiful spread of hot cocoa and tea and coffee and many marshmallow animals, ideal for putting in your drinks or simply eating wholesale. It isn't just cats either, but many animals of a similar quality of marshmallow, whatever kinds you'd like. But you may find the warm fuzzies they impart might be a bit more than internal.

In a conspicuous place is a note in handwriting many of you may find quite familiar at this point:

Thanks for your help.

- Hazel

His signature isn't alone, either. There are a couple of others, though somehow they're far less readable? Some are definitely just little drawings. Weird.]

[[ooc notes: 10% furry event!! many marshmallows have no effect, but those that do will instill temporary animal parts up to a kemonomimi level! enjoy your ears and tails, folks. and your newbies.]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It takes some working up to, but he'll spit it out.]

...To put it simply, this has little to do with you. It isn't a flaw in your character, nor an action you've taken. The reason I cannot abide your presence is that to me, you're a representation of all I could never have or be. Regardless of what I think of you or what you do, your very existence will remain a reminder of the things I want most to forget. Because of that, I can't help but want to drive you away from myself and that which I care for.

[Oh. Boy. That is rough because if it's not something he's done there's not much he can do. Not directly.

But he's not one to accept that he can't do anything. He just hasn't thought of what yet.

He looks at Rufus, thinking about it. On the bright side, Rufus is being open with him to this extent. That's a huge improvement. There's no reason to rush, right? If they just keep... trying, little by little, honesty with each other will surely get them somewhere.]

Thank you. For telling me. Short of just not being me is there anything I can do to make my presence... Less grating or uncomfortable?

And if there isn't, can I ask what I remind you of so much that you want to forget...?

You can stay out of the way.

[He sighs, running a hand through his hair.]

As for elaboration, I don't see why it's necessary.

I... It might not be, exactly? You don't have to or anything, but I do really want to understand.

If you'd rather leave it at this, it's okay. I realize talking like this makes you uncomfortable already.

It is, yes. But if it means you'll listen...

My family has a... complicated relationship. Because of that, I chose to follow your father instead. But over twelve years, even though he'd given you up and you didn't know him, I never compared to you.

I spent my entire adult life trying to be good enough, and never was. In the end you bested me both in battle and as a person, and claimed the loyalty of my precious little brother in the process.

Seeing your face just reminds me of that. I don't dislike you, but as I try to improve myself I find that seeing you only sets me back.

[This seems like a skewed perspective but he doesn't have the context to say where.

And what does he say? Sorry seems the wrong response.]

I wish I remembered any of this.

That would be convenient, yes.

And we can't have anything convenient.

[Sigh.]

I honestly don't know what to say. I can't change myself and I can't change your past with me. Asking to start afresh wouldn't just be naive, it'd be putting aside everything you've accomplished on your own.

And we can't work things out if I don't remember anything.

But I don't want to avoid each other either. I don't want to never talk, or not get the chance to know you now. But that's from my perspective. What about your wants?

Edited 2019-07-21 10:54 (UTC)

Honestly, I'd much rather you weren't here at all. And yet you are, so I'm willing to cooperate where necessary. But that doesn't include getting close or spending time together frivolously. I think it's enough concession on my part to accept sharing my home and my lover with you.

I still think it would end up easier on us both if we could ease into some things together.

You're still not listening to me, Rean.

I am. But we're not just living together, we're supposed to work and bond together. I want to respect your boundaries, but the universe is literally collapsing.

I don't mind being patient and taking it slowly, but I don't think ignoring it, and each other, outright even is an option.

Do you disagree? If I'm wrong I'll listen.

And to clarify more, maybe we'll never be friends, maybe you can never get along with me, I'll accept that. But this, right now, talking honestly? That's something. If that's the level we've got, I think it's good. I can do my best to give you space, but we have to have some measure of communication going, or we're in real trouble, as I understand it.

Edited 2019-07-24 04:38 (UTC)

[Taking a breath. Tired.]

But... it's all in your hands. If you really think avoidance is the best I'll follow your lead. Whatever you can, and want, to handle, I'll follow your lead. I'm not here to harass you. I don't like bothering someone who doesn't want it any more than you like it.

I think you're more than capable of accomplishing enough bonding for an entire town without me.

[Ugh. Rean's right but Rufus doesn't want to admit it, so he's trying to think of ways not to.]

Even if not, I see attempting to force the issue resulting in far more malicious emotion than it would attachment.

That's why I'm suggesting easing into it gradually. But... that's really still up to you. And you don't have to make a decision now either.

Forcing someone to tolerate me isn't my idea of a good time at all. That's why I'm saying I'll follow your lead.

Then follow me by not following me around anymore.

[Huff!]

I'll approach the idea when and if I see fit.