(no subject)

[bluediligence]

Who: Ginger and friends
When: Day 52, Night
Where: Ginger's carriage

[ well that was sure A Time, wasn't it ]

Comments

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

I hope you do.

[He eases back into the water, eyes closing.]

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

As long as I'm welcome.

[ Which he still seems to be for reasons he doesn't understand but will take anyway. ]

Actually, depending on how things go with my teammates when I see them next, I may end up swinging by here more often. Most of 'em probably aren't gonna be happy to see me.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

...Why?

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

They didn't want to play along, I didn't want to die. I won that argument but no one was happy about it.

[ Not even Crow, but they don't know that. ....And he still doesn't want to die. ]

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

I see. I think... Anyone would understand not wanting to die, once they calm down.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

I'm not counting on most of 'em seeing my side. They seem a good deal more idealistic than me.

[ Crow shrugs. ]

I'll still figure out how to work with 'em, I just don't expect we'll ever be friends.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

You and I are friends.

[Pointing this out.]

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

Yeah, but I really don't think most people are as forgiving as you are.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

Let's put this another way. Sometimes you need someone who doesn't think like you, for your own good, even if you don't like it.

Whether or not you make friends... Who knows. But if you look after them the way you look after other people I don't think it's impossible.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

...Heh. Well, I'm still not gonna hold my breath, but... I don't think you're wrong about that first part.

[ He reaches over to pat Rean's head. ]

...Thanks.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

[He huffs a little, but allows it.]

I hope things work out, anyway.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

I certainly won't complain if they do.

[ He lets his hand drop back into the water after a moment of patting. ]

It's a "hope for the best, expect the worst" kind of deal.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

You never struck me as the type to leave things to just hope.

What do you want?

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

Well, I feel called out. ...You're right though, it's not usually my MO.

[ Crow sighs, sinking a little further into the water. ]

What do I want? I'd rather everyone just admit that I'm right and try harder to survive next time without trying to fight me every step of the way, but I'm not under the illusion that's a realistic want.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

Hah... There's generally more than one "right" though.

So if you can't have what you want, what will you do? Give up?

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

I can't really accept a "right" that expects me to believe throwing away your own life is a better option. That's not noble or righteous-- it's just a damned waste, and "we can just come back from it" isn't an excuse that makes it any better.

[ He has Feelings on the issue, clearly. ]

...Obviously I'm not going to give up.

[ He's not sure he's even capable of it and certainly wouldn't want to be. ]

Buuut I've gotta admit I'm drawing a blank as to what to do next.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

[He doesn't argue! Though whether that's because he agrees or not is hard to tell.]

It doesn't hurt to think it over.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

[ Crow has his suspicions on that one-- a Divine Knight who will eventually come back regardless, who is often regarded and treated as a tool... he might have a different perspective on the value of his own life, even if the lives of others may still be precious. But he isn't having that argument with Rean right now. He doesn't have the right to, not after his own actions.

He wonders, briefly, if Rean thinks Crow regards him as a tool now. As someone whose life it's okay to throw away because of what he is rather than who he is. ]

....Yeah. I've got some time for that, at least.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

[He has no answers for questions Crow doesn't ask.]

Yeah.

How are you doing?

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

[ Angry. Frustrated. Guilty. Regretful. A little less like the feelings are going to explode out of him after pulling an all-nighter fighting monsters, but it's still there, simmering inside him.

Crow stares down at the water. ]

...My thoughts keep going in circles. I don't want to lie to you. I feel like it's unfair to you to tell you the truth. But you wouldn't ask if you didn't want to know. I feel so indecisive and I hate it.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

You're right, I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know.

But... why do you hate feeling indecisive?

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

I've known what I wanted and where I was going with it since I woke up here.

[ With maybe one exception; the night he found out he'd died back home. But that's the root of at least some of his issues now. ]

But I've lost that certainty and I don't know what to do without it.

[ Crow shrugs. ]

...Like I said. I hate it.

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

... You know, maybe it's good, that you feel hesitant now.

Sometimes being shaken up is a good time to stop and reevaluate. I don't personally think hesitating is bad. It just means there's more you want to reflect on before you act.

Decisive or indecisive aren't good or bad inherently in themselves.

Even if you aren't used to or don't like indecision, why not just roll with it for now?

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[bad_crowmance]

I'm definitely going to be doing more of that.

[ He mutters the words, but it's not like Rean is wrong and he knows it.

Weirdly though, hearing Rean say that has actually helped Crow decide a few things. He takes a breath and lets it out slowly. ]

....Hey, Rean?

Re: [ IN THE MORNING ]

[awakenerd]

Yeah?

[He is honestly just trying to reassure Crow that it's fine not to have an immediate answer to anything, internal or external.]