(no subject)

[hot_mess_express]

Who: anyone
When: day 38, after noon
Where: in and around the train

[A gentle breeze keeps the afternoon cool. It seems peaceful around now, with the malice pushed back so far, unless you're heading to the island of concentrated malice of course.

It's a good day to relax and daydream.

Distantly you might sometimes hear the tick ticking of clockwork? Or it might be your imagination.

Speaking of imagination, if you think about things too hard you may find your thoughts and feelings shared with those nearby. Or even if you don't think hard at all.

At the mildest this might simply be like your thoughts and emotions being understood by others next to you, either in a vague or explicitly detailed way, but at the most extreme you might project shared delusions. Something like others getting to watch your own memories. Or fantasy sequences. Or inner monologues. Or maybe even blending you delusions with another's.

Whether it goes that far or remains a more telepathic/empathic thing is very random.]

Comments

[schrodingerscockroach]

Oh.

[There's a spike of nervousness, but then it quickly subsides because, well, 80H isn't terrible to know his emotional state. Mess that it is.]

Do you....think that's just going to happen with everyone?

[Because there are some people who DON'T need to know his level of paranoia.]

[voreaciously]

Uncertain. This could be the only effect or it could be one of several yet to be encountered.

[schrodingerscockroach]

....

[Just.]

[Face in hands and makes a discontented noise.]

[And some dread because wow, why can't people just see his optimism instead of seeing all the taint of negativity he has.]

[voreaciously]

It is likely to pass.

[and she has no idea how she feels about that, actually. It's complicated.]

[schrodingerscockroach]

And when that will be, will just be a fun surprise.

[voreaciously]

I do not know.

[sarcasm isn't an emotion but she feels it from him deeply enough right now.]

I apologise.

[schrodingerscockroach]

[He's a Blue, Sarcasm is Definitely An Emotion.]

Well, at least it was around you. Not so worried how you'll take the level of negativity I actually feel. [His friendliness may be sincere, but his level of cynicism that helps fuel the aggressive socializing would be a surprise to most and could be taken the wrong way.]

[voreaciously]

You are not worried?

[schrodingerscockroach]

There seems to be a lot of concern for me running under the assumption I'm being too trusting or not taking care of myself to focus on others.

But as you said, 'whether it is a hug, a shoulder, or an assault rifle.' Lethal violence is also support. I'm not worried any bouts of cynicism would make you doubt my care.

[voreaciously]

But you are concerned that that might be the case with other people.

[schrodingerscockroach]

Yes. They might think my care is a facade or shallow, especially if they find out through magic and not me. Especially those more paranoid on the train. [Such frustration.]

But it sounded like you had a lot of faith in my ability to care even with the mission being a partial motivator.

People aren't always good at emotional quagmires.

[voreaciously]

I only had that faith to win. [which didn't happen anyway]

At any rate, you should, perhaps, have more faith in others, they may understand.

[schrodingerscockroach]

Seemed a bit too quantifying to not have some belief in what you said.

..... [There is worry, but there is also]

[Fear there]

[He doesn't know why.]

I'd rather not blindside them.

[voreaciously]

Then do not. Simply explain on your own terms as rationally and calmly as you can.

[schrodingerscockroach]

Easier said than done with some people.

[voreaciously]

Who do you worry about?

[schrodingerscockroach]

Faito. [He kmows they know each other. What she knows, how they got there though....] Morning, Twilight. Possibly Noon, though thats more paranoia due to the Command Seals. Pretty much anyone nice.

[voreaciously]

Will all due respect, this seems a little insulting. "Nice" does not mean weakhearted. You have a story, as anyone does, and there is hardship. I understand wishing to keep it to yourself for however long, but you do a number of those individuals a disservice by thinking they would think less of you for it.

[only some tho she has no idea who the fuck the rest are,really. the point stands, however!]

[schrodingerscockroach]

I don't think they're weakhearted. [His first reaction, but then he pauses.] Do I....?

[He has to actually think about it. Does he think they're weakhearted? They couldn't handle a hard truth? No, it's not. Quite that. He thinks Faito must be able to. He knows Twilight was able to handle someone and Morning died and is still managing to smile. Noon he knows he's just uncertain with because of the whole Command thing, that's nerves.]

[He can't quite think that he thinks those who are 'nice' as weak as just...]

[There's uncertainty, concern, that fades as he thinks and then there's just a feeling of something melancholic.]

I guess I just worry when it's... [When it's him? Like some part of him...expects it.]

[Why?]

It probably is a disservice if it's that.

[voreaciously]

It sounds as though you have some matters to consider for yourself.

[schrodingerscockroach]

Yeah.

Another time, don't want to go down that rabbit hole with weird telepathy going on.

So how have you been? [Time to repress all feelings.]

[voreaciously]

We do not need to do this another time. I am not a friend.

[schrodingerscockroach]

No, I mean I'm going to consider all that another time.

[voreaciously]

I see, then. Very well.

[schrodingerscockroach]

Thus my very subtle attempt to change the subject.