The Eleventh Trial

[catcophonous]

Who: everyone
When: Day 23, evening
Where: The Trial Zone

[Just as twilight darkens the clearing, you hear the train's customary shift, the sign of a Trial.

Outside in the clearing, a brick building has appeared. It's shabby, paint peeling from the heavy door, but the windows are full of neon signs advertising various brands of liquor. From inside you can hear the thumping of bass, and the faint sounds of a rowdy rock song.

A voice chimes in, lazy but amused.]

You all know what this is. I'm not "come hither"ing you. Just get in here.

Comments

Re: WINNERS & ENDGAME

[crimeson]

...No. Vetoed.

Re: WINNERS & ENDGAME

[ruinatings]

It's easier than sharing a home with him.

Re: WINNERS & ENDGAME

[crimeson]

Then come stay with me for a while until the idea's less awful, or something. Someone else, if you need to. S'not like there aren't spare rooms everywhere. But don't fuck off into the wilderness.

Re: WINNERS & ENDGAME

[ruinatings]

Don't you think we'd all be better off in the end if I did? I'm not claiming you don't care for me, or that it wouldn't be painful. But... I'm the obstacle, both to our relationships and to the mission we're on. At least until I've bettered my self-control, my feelings are poison for everyone.

Re: WINNERS & ENDGAME

[crimeson]

Of course I don't think that! It absolutely wouldn't be better for you to fuck off than for us to deal with the problems until we work things out! And I know we'll be able to sort things out eventually!

Re: WINNERS & ENDGAME

[ruinatings]

[Mmmmmgh, groans the guy with a history of fucking off from his problems for years at a time]

How? What exactly is the end goal of "sorting things out"? What would be a satisfying arrangement for you?

[Because Rufus is pretty sure it's just "Rufus stops being crazy", which honestly would be fair, but he still doesn't like it.]

Re: WINNERS & ENDGAME

[crimeson]

Obviously for me the best arrangement would be getting to stay with both of you. But that's not what I'm pushing for. I want you, I want to stay close with you, but if you can't handle that in the current situation I'll settle for you staying alive where I can see you!

Re: WINNERS & ENDGAME

[ruinatings]

I wasn't planning to die.

[Huff!! But Randy's vehemence is working, bit by bit. It's putting the wind out of Rufus' sails, and he's losing some of that tension. Just a little.]

oh shit i didn't realize it was mY TAG ALL THIS TIME

[crimeson]

Then don't talk about leaving like that! Shit, I almost lost it staying right here, and it's much more dangerous out there.

[ruinatings]

I could handle it. But I don't actually want to worry you, so I'll stay.

[crimeson]

I know you're strong, but I'm scared. So... thank you.

[cannot resist the romantic gesture of bringing their joined hands up to press his face into.]

[ruinatings]

[He's really damned awkward about it, but he's poking a knuckle into Randy's face in some semblance of being comforting.]

...I'm not someone you have to be afraid for.

[He's not used to being worried about and it feels WEIRD.]

[crimeson]

[wagh. nuzzles their hands. can't help it.]

I mean, I know that? Doesn't change my feelings, though.

[ruinatings]

I still don't understand those feelings. Nor why you would choose to keep them when you have a better option.

[crimeson]

[sighs and nuzzles hands more intensely!!!]

It's not like that. It's hard to explain, but... it's not like I like you guys for the same reasons? I'm not gonna swap you out for the supposedly shinier Rean model.

[ruinatings]

[hffff]

You say that, but I still can't imagine it.

[crimeson]

[...squeezing his hand gently.]

I like you, for the you I've gotten to know. No one can replace you or the things I like about you, because no one else is you, y'know? You're really different. If I lose you, even Rean won't be able to fill the gaps left behind, because he's not Rufus. He could make me happy in other ways, but the same is true in reverse.

[ruinatings]

[He's trying really hard to believe Randy, and understand him. But it's hard. It's all about achievements and skills to Rufus, so he's failing completely to wrap his head around the idea that he has inherent value just because. It's all on merit, and Rean beat him. Rean was more capable. Rean was more wanted, and Rufus just cannot let that go no matter how much he tells himself it's stupid.]

...This really shouldn't be so difficult.

[crimeson]

[randy shrugs, wry.]

Feelings are hard, and you've got a lot built up. It makes sense.

Hey, Rufus? What do you think I like about you?

1/2

[ruinatings]

...Eh?

[He doesn't know how to answer that question! And it throws him off, because it makes him suddenly aware of his own really horrible self-image. It seems like a simple question but he's blanking, and anything he can think of sounds... wrong. Or like he's assuming Randy's a lesser person than Rufus actually thinks he is.

So. He's stuck for a bit.]

[ruinatings]

That's...

[He makes a few false starts, his face slowly going red. This isn't something he can bullshit, and every thought sounds wrong.

It's awful and he doesn't like it, but eventually he drags his front back up for lack of better option.]

Well, I was one of Erebonia's most eligible bachelors. Talented, beautiful, and privileged, no?

[crimeson]

[the wry look isn't going away.]

No. Well, not that you aren't terrifyingly competent, which is really attractive. And super, super hot. But if it were just those, our relationship would've started pretty different, wouldn't it?

[apparently privileged doesn't even weigh in]

[ruinatings]

Maybe so, but those are my strong points.

[In other words he has no fucking clue but doesn't want to admit to hating himself that much, even though Randy already knows.]

[crimeson]

[It's not like Randy doesn't get it. He does. But it still hurts to see someone he cares about so much struggling like this.]

...Yeah. They're strong points of yours, for sure. But your sense of humor is kind of biting and incredibly fun. You're conscientious, but when you're invested enough you'll throw caution to the wind and do whatever crazy thing you think needs doing. Those aren't always good things, but they're things I like about you, even when they aren't pointed in directions I'd prefer. Of course you're smart and strong and beautiful, but that's not all you are. You're more than those things, and you're more than that to me.

[ruinatings]

[That's just... It's so weird to hear that Rufus doesn't know what to do with it. Honestly, he kind of wants to cry. But he really really doesn't want to, because at the moment he's feeling stupid and he doesn't want to be any weaker than he already is.

Of course it should feel good to be complimented, and in some ways it does, but it's also painful and embarrassing. It doesn't make him like himself more, but it feels like it ought to, and being unable to get over it is just something else to criticise himself for.]

You're such a sap.