auroraexpress | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Who: Heroes, possibly suffering
When: Day 16, Late Morning through Afternoon
Where: Aurora

[Well, that just happened! Many people on the train are now doubtlessly the worse for wear, physically and psychologically. How are you sorting all of that out?

Alternately, maybe you have enough Sparks for a memory and you're playing it on the big screen? Or you're testing out a new power?

Or maybe you have something else in mind? Mingle away!]

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[Thinking about the future? What the fuck is that? She just holds the wine bottle to her chest, staring at the floor.]

I-It was just a bad trial. I only need to r-relax a little bit. I'm alright.

[She looks extremely not alright right now. She looks empty and broken.]

Give me the bottle, Hlasoh, before I decide if I'm giving you this back. And don't lie to me again, this is not something one does when they're alright.

[Waving the...dose? However the sedatives are contained.]

A bad trial...this morning?

[After several seconds of silent consideration, she hands the bottle over. She doesn't really care if she destroys herself with the wine and drug, even though rationally she knows it will just be a waste of sparks if she manages to die or severely disable herself.

But she'd rather have some sort of calm right now than be drunk.]

Yes. Not very long ago. You may have been sleeping.

Was Lucien-[...] Who else on Licorice was there?

[She does hand the sedatives back, once she has the bottle. She's the last person who could judge this means of coping, but she won't allow someone to go and get themselves killed, either.]

[She shakes her head.]

Just Crow and Emilia.

[She opens the bottle with shaking hands, and swallows a pill.]

He's important to you, then?

...[Well, she's not any happier crow was there, but her expression doesn't really change.]

We're from the same world.

[Naeva, you're not fooling anybody.]

[She has a lot of complicated feelings about Crow right now, let's not even start.]

Mm. You really love him. It must be really nice.

[Oh, she got naeva to flinch! Good thing you're getting high and won't remember, clearly--]

...He doesn't remember.

[She's totally going to remember, sorry]

I see. And you have not approached him about this?

If it is any consolation, Crow backed out of having sex with me because I sounded "attached." Just because I said something about wanting to become closer to a member of my team, I think.

[She laughs bitterly.]

I learned my lesson this morning anyway. Don't trust teams.

[She's not even sedated yet, she's just really lonely.]

...Still. I'm sorry. Yours is a greater problem than a fling with some foolish boy.

Edited 2019-03-15 02:31 (UTC)

Approach him? With what, he's well aware his memories are missing. Trying to broach the topic of what we were while he still lacks them would simply be taking advantage of him.

[She pauses though, listening to Hlasoh's rant. Well, there's a lot to unpack there. She's not sure there's a logical leap between 'don't trust teams' and 'my teammate is a jerk with commitment issues', but this doesn't seem the time to point it out.]

I'm not entirely sure how that's supposed to be consolation. But you seem to need to talk about what's going on, so...

[She's saying that maybe her life with hot people isn't going perfectly either, okay!]

Would it? It would just be informing him. He can make his own decisions, can't he?

[Also rude, it wasn't a rant, those are much longer. And less exhausted sounding. If she were in a less strange mood, she'd be blushing furiously to be talking about her sex life so openly, but right now she's a wasteland.]

Mm, I just mean to say that other people are suffering from intimate interpersonal setbacks as well.

...Why did I tell you that, I wonder? You're not my friend. I barely know you. I barely know anybody here. I definitely barely know him, but that's fine. I barely know anybody at all.

Our marriage is arranged. Political. Our countries were once at war. I would...prefer not to seem as though I am trying to influence his views, while he is unaware of his position.

[She sighs a little, and sets the bottle down out of Hlasoh's reach before sitting down on the couch with her.]

I think you can say it because we're not friends. There's no attachment. No complications. What does it matter, if I pass judgement on you? Nothing.

[Naeva is quiet, turning over the whole thing in her mind.] Crow's been here...four days? Five? As short as I have. His opinions and desires shouldn't matter much to you, either. If it's a matter of, ah, releasing tension, he's far from the only eligible young man on the train. His hangups are his problem, not yours.

Mm. I do suppose you're right. I'm not so sure I would do the right thing in your position. I'm certain you would handle yourself better in my circumstances. And here I thought royalty were all vain and irresponsible.

[She is hating herself a little right now for just babbling about common gossip, especially after something much much worse just happened to her- it feels petty, doesn't it? Like she's some lovestruck fool. But its also better to be distracted.]

I know. This entire train is full of desperate raging libidos. Nor do I limit my appetites to men. Crow isn't really the problem, and I'm self aware enough to recognize the hypocrisy of me judging somebody else's "hangups." It's... hah. It's a small problem anyway. My own sad vanity, I think.

Careful, you'll start to sound fond of me, Hlasoh.

[But she doesn't mind. She can't even correct that assumption about royalty. It's not inaccurate. Even if it is, it only took two tyrants to nearly burn the world, didn't it? The odds aren't great...]

Rejection hurts, no matter the when, why, or how. I know that...very well. You need not be so harsh on yourself, either. What is vanity, but another name for taking pride in ourselves?

[It's not fondness, she just hates herself with the force a thousand depressed suns

In fact she laughs again.]

Oh, that's alright, I don't have to ever worry about the possibility of being proud of myself.

[...]

[Reaching over and flicking her in the forehead.]

Bad. Stoppit.

[Raising her arms and groaning in protest, but not gonna move.]

Oh, I'm only joking. I do lots of fun pranks like drinking wine with opium to see what happens.

When you've sobered up, I'd like it very much if you reviewed the definition of a 'joke'.

...The sedative isn't that strong, you know. I'm just in an unusual mood.

You've made oblique references to your self-loathing nearly every time we've spoken, I'm not sure this is an unusual mood.

I just believe it'd be a little unfair to demand you do homework stoned.

I have never actually said that I hated myself. I think that you are jumping to conclusions based on incomplete evidence.

"I don't ever have to worry of being proud of myself", was it?

[Hlasoh. Come on.]

Ha, but I never actually said anything like you're implying. I might just be extremely humble and modest.

And I might be the Night Mother herself. Come now, being obtuse about the implications doesn't help you any, either. Change the topic honestly, if you prefer.

[Okay, well it's not like it isn't obvious at this point.]

...Sure. I hate myself, and I don't want to talk about it.

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