Amane Kawanokami | 川ノ神 天峰 | 80H (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
voreaciously) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
auroraexpress2019-02-21 02:12 am
voreaciously) wrote in auroraexpress2019-02-21 02:12 am
Entry tags:
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Who: Jasmine and visitors
When: Day 13, morning
Where: Jasmine and visitors
[80H is in the common area, making food. She's taken off her bandages, and her elbows look entirely fine, like they weren't shot at. The knees might be okay to assume the same of, but they are, naturally, hidden. She hasn't been out much since the trial, or even before it, honestly, but she's been doubling down on her isolated tendencies. She had to talk to one of their newbies but, after that, it was back to being a hermit.
So it is, perhaps, odd to see her out and about making food, and, what's more, it does not seem to be all for her.]
When: Day 13, morning
Where: Jasmine and visitors
[80H is in the common area, making food. She's taken off her bandages, and her elbows look entirely fine, like they weren't shot at. The knees might be okay to assume the same of, but they are, naturally, hidden. She hasn't been out much since the trial, or even before it, honestly, but she's been doubling down on her isolated tendencies. She had to talk to one of their newbies but, after that, it was back to being a hermit.
So it is, perhaps, odd to see her out and about making food, and, what's more, it does not seem to be all for her.]
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I can stop at friends, though. I don't want to push you into anything you don't want, and-- I'd never stop flirting, but it wouldn't be intended to hurt.
[runs a hand through his hair, though, trying to get his own thoughts and feelings together neatly, trying to meet Rufus midway.]
Personally, I tend to keep this sort of stuff easy-come easy-go, 'cause that way... it's easier for no one to get hurt. But I get that's not viable with you. I wouldn't even consider trying that way, with you, 'cause as much as we're still getting to know each other, I think we're already too invested for that sort of preempting a parting.
Because we're already in so deep... I don't think I'd be mad, if we tried it and you realized that you wanted company rather than me specifically. I'd be sad, sure, but it wouldn't- turn me against you or something, and it's a risk I'd be willing to take.
As for half-hearted relationships... I know better than to try to treat you as a casual bedmate. I can tell you right now that I'm not... able to be entirely exclusive, though, if that's what you'd need from me. There's someone relying on my body to stay alive, and I won't force them to look for someone or something else, at least not without plenty of warning.
[that does imply willingness to come close to exclusive, though, if rufus wanted it from him.]
Beyond that... I'm always gonna be a flirty guy. It doesn't generally mean much, and it definitely wouldn't if we were seriously together, but if it's something that would hurt you...
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[That much is easy.]
Jusis & I... we were both the product of attempts to escape an unpleasant obligation. I have no desire to become a weight on someone else's life in that way. That...
[He takes a slow breath, trying to tell himself to just open up. It won't work if he hides things, but it's hard to trust others when you yourself have spent all too much time being untrustworthy.]
...That is what I'm most afraid of. I don't want to wake up some day and find I'm the thing you're trying to escape. In a way, exclusivity is only more troubling, whether or not I ever see the need for more than one person myself. But... As you are likely aware, I have a certain habit of comparing myself to other people. I can't promise I won't struggle with that. In fact, I can more likely guarantee that I will. I will try, with all my strength, to be better than I used to be. But I doubt I will be easy to love.
Nevertheless, I think... I would like to try. If you really want me "with full context".
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then he smiles up at Rufus and offers him a hand, palm up.]
I do want to try. Seriously, and with full context.
Shall we?
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But he already said he wanted to try, and he meant it. So he steps forward and takes Randy's hand, lightly as if steeled to take it back at the least hint of danger.]
...Okay.
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Awesome.
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[Yes, that's a word. A fun, informal commoner word that suits Randy and feels foreign on Rufus' lips. He's definitely nervous as hell but there's a kind of giddiness there too. This is the sort of thing that should be happy, right? So maybe he should let his guard down and just... be happy.
Easier said than done, but he does finally sit down. Then he exhales, slowly, and the tension goes with it. He feels... relieved. He took a leap and didn't fall! Except, he supposes, for falling right into Randy. Which is a bizarre thought but here he is, allowing himself to flop backward onto Randy's bed, still keeping hold of his hand.
It's habit to stay composed but there's that rare genuinely happy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.]
Jusis is going to be so smug.
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Yeah? He's already given me the threatening little brother talk, for the record.
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[Jeez. What a troublesome little brother.]
Things have really changed if he's the one trying to protect me. And yet he has the nerve to say I'm getting old.
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But he called you old, huh? Sounds like you've been bickering.
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[This is just how they are, man.]
But he wasn't wrong. I've been blessed in that department but I'm significantly older than you, you know.
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[He rolls his eyes though.]
Please. Our age difference is, what, five years? That's not bad at all.
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[Just gonna. Get his confidence together and scoot over to be closer. Randy is large and warm ///]
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[teasing, closing the distance between them so they're pressed side to side]
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[And Rufus who has no experience.]
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[lifts a hand to gently poke Randy's side]
You could take responsibility and, what's the phrase... "show me the ropes"? I'll defer to your superior knowledge, Instructor.
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[real mature, Randy.]
Well, that can certainly be arranged.
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One lesson at a time, mind you, or it may not stick.
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[Randy can probably tell Rufus is bracing to move, but it's still very abrupt when he rolls on top of Randy and pinches his face.]
...what you look like from this angle.
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I can teach you that, no problem.
1/2
[Internally he is just buzzing with nerves, but he's determined to be cool and graceful even here, even while his heart's in his throat.
He doesn't know how to be like this. Comfortable. Happy. He's self-conscious, overly aware of every point of contact, unable to throw away a lifetime of perfectionism. But he really likes Randy, and he doesn't want to pass on an opportunity he may never get again. So he's doing his best -- currently, he's letting go of Randy's face and leaning in close, as if for a kiss.]
Now, I want to know--
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--Ow!
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[What a kind teacher. Rufus is flushed with embarrassment, but he lets himself be guided into an actual, real kiss. No magic booze this time. Just slow and cautious and warm.]
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