[He's absolutely not going to admit who it was, especially after he gave so many compliments for Cael. He doesn't even know how frank he is about that sort of thing. It's not like there aren't already a number of candidates on the train.]

[He's seriously thinking about those questions though.]

Well....part of it, I think is because of how I react to touch. Which is a little less worrisome now, you saw the armor people were wearing in my memory. I suspect I may have just in that for a long time, and...well, not a lot of way to feel touch in things like that.

I'm aware of when people touch me, I don't think I could just ignore it. So when there's a lot of touch, it's hard to focus on anything else like that. Depending on how my head is, it can be overwhelming. [Like when he's touched while feeling guilty.] I'm not even sure if the touch needs to feel good, it just has to be there and without anything else to focus on, that's all I could think about.

So I mostly think about touch. And...the most stressful thing is being uncertain. Something like that, I have no choice, but to listen to orders. Someone else is in charge, someone who could make it clear if I'm doing things right or wrong and I don't have to just hope and pray and that just sounds....really nice.

I'm not worried about pain, but I don't know my reaction to it. I didn't want to risk any blood being drawn since...well, that's why I needed out of my head.