(no subject)

[hot_mess_express]

Who: anyone
When: day 29 all day
Where: wherever!

[Mingle, look at memories, run amok, whatever.

Or, you know, there's morning glories blooming all around the train today. Mostly white but with a few brilliant crimson flowers (do morning glories come in that color?), all of them smell sweet and lovely, though the red ones smell a bit like... cinnamon? They're also blooming all day, which is weird.

The scent wafts pleasantly through the train through the morning. The sweet scent brings the urge to be honest and express your emotions freely. The more spiced scent... might make you randy? No not the tall redhead. The other kind.

In either case neither effect is generally overwhelming, and can in most cases be overcome, if you happen to notice you're under any influence in the first place. The effects are subtle enough.

In the afternoon a light rain will crush the flowers, making the scents heavier, and the effects stronger for a few hours, before it all clears up in the evening.]

Comments

[voreaciously]

That seems difficult to believe, given everything. Naturally, I am speaking of the latter, I am well aware of the former.

[crimeson]

I mean it. I know I've had to be pretty nasty to you in the past, but... it's mostly frustration, not hate or somethin'.

I just wish we could work together better without being totally clinical about it, or that I could get you to like me.

[he's just spilling his guts no problem.]

[voreaciously]

Did you, though?

[you know what, nevermind it.]

You may use me as you like, I suppose it does not matter.

[crimeson]

Did I... have to, you mean? It felt like it to me.

Trouble is, I don't want to just use you. I don't wanna think of you as a tool.

[voreaciously]

[This would be nice and sweet, but Crow's contexualised some things for her and free emotions and honesty means that anything she might have repressed comes towards the surface and it is, suddenly, growing colder, even as her voice remains level and even.]

But you did, did you not? Tools do not have choices. They are beneath consideration. They are tossed aside when they are not useful. That is fine.

I was supposed to be your teammate, but what I wanted did not matter to you. Others [Jusis] had more say.

I suppose it is just as well, it was my own fault; I'd harboured expectations of you.

1/3

[crimeson]

[ouch

this is kind of what he wanted, though? it hurts, but it is. but he can't keep his voice from cracking with real hurt at even just--]

Supposed to be--

[crimeson]

[no he can't argue. he shouldn't. this is... she needs to do this. he shouldn't keep her from doing this. he bites his lip.

just kidding he cannot fucking help himself.]

...If it were just you and me, I would've died by your side. That you wanted to... I did care about that. Honestly. I didn't mean for what I did to come across as-- not caring what you wanted. As throwing you aside.

But wanting to live and wanting to die have different weights, 80H. At least to me. Choosing to win, or choosing to allow people who don't want to suffer to avoid suffering... I'll do that every time. So if your expectations were for me to back you up and let them corner themselves into dying with us... I was going to disappoint you every time.

[crimeson]

...You're right, though. Whatever my intentions, I disregarded your feelings and prioritized my own. I didn't even try to explain myself, really. So... for that, I'm sorry, 80H.

[voreaciously]

You could have taken them with you and left me. It would have been fine, they could have avoided suffering that way. No one else had to stay.

[crimeson]

[he shakes his head.]

I thought about that first. But I can only physically carry so many people. One combatant I can take by surprise, but three, two minimum if the scaled guy just went with it? That's too many. I couldn't.

[voreaciously]

[maybe it's selfish of her. she knows it is, actually, at least in part, but--]

I would have helped you.

[They were supposed to be a team, she would have done that much. She always does her best for trials and games.]

Nevermind. You do not need to apologise to me. It is old and unimportant.

1/2

[crimeson]

...I should have asked. I didn't even think to. I'm sorry.

[crimeson]

--Also, I fucking shot you. Like, not even a month ago? It's important!!

Sorry you had to corner me into actually fucking talking about it.

[voreaciously]

I am more upset at the avoidable loss.

[which probably says a lot about how much she values herself but hey.






it's fine.]

I got [bitter] better.

[crimeson]

...I don't get it.

[voreaciously]

I beg your pardon?

[crimeson]

I don't get how you could possibly be angrier about losing than about what I did to you.

[voreaciously]

I exist to please, be used, to endure pain, and succeed. I exist to win. I failed my objective that day. This body is only a shell.

And that is all true even if I realise that I felt betrayed by you despite not having any right to feel that way.