[He never should've started with this. He knew how Randy feels about Rean. They've made a mistake, right?

He doesn't want Rean involved. He doesn't want to be stuck comparing himself all the time and coming up short. Part of him just wants to go off into the jungle and never see Rean again.

But at the same time, he doesn't actually want to give up. This is the first time in Rufus' life he's ever been wanted and liked for himself -- his entire self, flawed and bitter and messed up. That just makes the feeling of inadequacy that much worse.]

...You're not doing anything wrong. This is my own issue.